______________________________ | ___ _______ ___ | | / _ \/ __/ _ \/ _ \ | | / // / _// , _/ ___/ | | /____/___/_/|_/_/ | | | | PROUDLY | | ....PRESENTS.... | | | | ...THE HAUS SHOW REPORT... | | VOLUME 4 | | | | DATE: August 19th, 2011 | | WRITTEN BY: Tyler Terrapin | |____________________________| Oh my gawd, it's Friday night in the City of Champions! Last night, the Steelers trounced the Eagles! Tonight we get to see the first DERP singles championships awarded to the two sick twisted freaks that somehow survive the fans bring the weapons battle royal! And Delaney's "FREE FOR ALL" approach to marketing seems to have paid off. The place was not sold out, but it was certainly the most packed I've seen the DERP Arena yet! Everyone was just buzzing with excitement, talking about who's going pull off the victory, and why the hell Delaney bothers with these showcase matches that no one cares about! Either way, the show starts off with "Children of the Grave" pounding over the PA system, with Ryan FUCKING Delaney making his way down to the ring. At first, his face did not have a happy look for it, but as the DERP fans go wild, the happy builds and forms a smile... DE-LANE-EEE! DE-LANE-EEE! DE-LANE-EEE! DE-LANE-EEE! DE-LANE-EEE! DE-LANE-EEE! DE-LANE-EEE! DE-LANE-EEE! DE-LANE-EEE! DE-LANE-EEE! DE-LANE-EEE! DE-LANE-EEE! DE-LANE-EEE! DE-LANE-EEE! DE-LANE-EEE! Who can not be happy with THAT type of response? Delaney bounces back and forth on the rampway, trying to high five as many fans as he possiblly can. He reaches the ringside area, and takes a tour aroudn the ring! He even stops and gets a beer! Delaney rolls into the ring, making sure not to spill his beer, before acquring a microphone. DELANEY: How you doing Piiiixxxxxxburrrghh!?!?!?! [WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!] DELANEY: Glad to hearit... GLAD TO MOTHERFUCKING HEAR IT! It means the world to me that yins are having as much fun watching this violent product as I am presenting it to you! And part of that appreciation creates a respect. A respect between ME and YOU, the fans. [WE LOVE DELANEY POP!] DELANEY: It is a respect that dictates HONESTY from ME to YOU. I will never lie to you the fans. I will never turn my back on you. You are what makes DERP possible! That is _WHY_ there's a bbq before every show! That is why after each show we have a meet and greet after party down the road at the Thunderbird Cafe! And that is why.... [Pause.] DELANEY: That is why I need Scott Bailey and Tripp Skylark... Our particpatns for tonights _SCWE SHOWCASE MATCH_ to please... Please come down here to the ring!!! [Tripp comes out of the crowd, wrestling gear on which is.. his street attire of blue jean shorts and a black 'HERE WE GO STILLERS!" shirt, the SCWE Television title slung over his shoudler.. meanwhile "Fuck You" by Damageplan hits the PA, as Scott Bailey comes out down the rampway, headed right to the ring, face expressionless. He too is in his wrestling gear. The two men enter the ring from oppoosite sides, immediatly getting involed in a stare down.] DELANEY: So, Bailey... Tonight, you are scheduled to fight my fellow Pittsburgher here, _TRIPP SKYLARK_! And this match is supposed to be for that there television title around Tripp's waist... BUT THAT WON'T BE HAPPENING! [Both Bailey and Tripp look pissed as the fans begin to boo. Delaney holds his hand up.] DELANEY: NOT MY FUCKING DOING! No siree Bob! I can't wait to see Bailey and Skylark go at it! It's going to be insanely _EPIC_! But... Earlier today, when the final contracts need to be negotiated and signed... Your boss, fellas... _YOUR_ boss backed out. [BOOOOOOOOO!] DELANEY: I know... I guess he felt threatened, perhaps imdiated even. Or he just didn't trust this crazy asshole here!!! Either way, I'm sorrry guys... I'm sorry fans... What I promised tonight in the form of a SCWE TV title match I cannot deliver! [BOOOOOOOOO!] DELANEY: .......BUT I DID THINK OF SOMETHING SCWE WOULD ALLOW!!!!! [CHEEEEEER!!!!!!] DELANEY: Knowing... Just knowing that I had to deliver, that I had to come up with something.... I thought real quick, and just blurted something out, and god damn if it wasn't just _MAGICAL_! [Smile erupts on Delaney's face.] DELANEY: You see, Bailey... While you won't be able to have Tripp here as your opponents... I did find _THREE_ guys just dying... _DYING_ to make their way onto SOMEONE's roster. So, I figured this can happen... They can fight for a DERP contract, which they can earn by pinning _YOU_. And _YOU_? You can earn your SCWE TV title shot by going through the gauntlet, defeating all three men by any means necessary!!!! [Bailey looks pissed, as Skylark looks rather pleased.] DELANEY: Enjoy your guantlet match, Bailey! Tell Fitzgerald hello for me wheny ou get back to SCWE HQ! And, hey.. I think you may need this more than me right now! [Bailey angrly takes the bat, and threatens to swing at Delaney. Delaney gets right in hsi face, and dares the big man to swing. The staredown ensues, but Delaney cracks a smile, pats Bailey on the shoudler and exits the ring with Skylark.] *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* | | | SCWE SHOWCASE GAUNTLET MATCH | | | | SCOTT BAILEY | | vs | | ELI REED, KYLE ABOTT, MONTANA BISHOP | | | *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* Bailey stands there in the middle of the ring, as Montana Bishop slowly makes his way into the ring, obviously intimidated by the barbwire bat Delaney gave Bailey. Bishop immediately begins pleading with Bailey to put the bat down, and wrestle like a man. Bailey looks around at the crowd, searching for an answer probably.... AND SWINGS FOR THE FENCES!!! He catches Montana right upside the head, and Montana drops like a ton of bricks! The crowd pops at the sight of blood!! And Bailey's not done, as he drops the bat, and pulls Montana to his feet. Only to double him over with a knee to the gut. Scott lifts Bishop into the air.... POWERBOMB ON THE BAT!!! He thrashes around, as Bailey just laughs methodically! THAT FUCKING HURT! THAT FUCKING HURT! THAT FUCKING HURT! THAT FUCKING HURT! THAT FUCKING HURT! THAT FUCKING HURT! THAT FUCKING HURT! THAT FUCKING HURT! THAT FUCKING HURT! THAT FUCKING HURT! THAT FUCKING HURT! THAT FUCKING HURT! Scott still isn't done, though, even as he has to pull the bat out of Montana's skin. With one arm, he whips Bishop into the corner, and stomps on over with the bat in his one hand. He gets into a batter's stance... CRRRRAAACKKKK! Right across the chest of Montana! He swings again... CRRRRRACKKK! CRRRRAAAACKKK! CRRRRRAAAAACKKKKK! Three straight shots to the chest! Montana's pecks are just ripped open and bleeding ridiculously! O'Reily pulls Bishop out of the corner, goes behind... SIDE RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP... WIHT THE BAT ACROSS THE THROAT!!! The crowd groans in pain, not enjoying Bailey's attitude, but LOVING the carnage he's causing! He again lays the bat on the mat, and pulls Bishop to his feet... Tucks his head into Bailey's legs...... BLACKHOLE!!! SITOUT PILEDRIVER ON THE BAT!!! MONTANA'S HEADS CAVED THE FUCK IN! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! With Montana motionless and a bloody mess, Bailey finally puts a boot on Bishop's chest, ending this massacre.... 1... 2... 3!!! Bailey has a sick, devious smile over his face and helps roll Bishop out of the ring with series of kicks to his back. Bailey then collects his bat, and waits for the next opponent to make his way to the ring... ANNOUNCER: ...Montana Bishop has been defeated... ...Now coming to the ring... KYLE ABBOT!!! Kyle gets down to ringside and sees Bailey in the ring, bat in hand, just taunting Kyle. Kyle paces around ringside, unsure of what to do, until the idea hits him... He calls out to the fans at ringside, begging for something to arm himself with! And the fans oblige, giving Abbott a frying pan! Abbott nods and slides into the ring! Bailey approaches, and takes a swing. Abbott rolls out of the way, and gets to his feet. Bailey again swings, but Kyle again just barely jumps out of the way... but before Bailey can swing again, Kyle does... CRRRRAAACKK! Right upside the head with the pan, Abbott catches Bailey good. BUT BAILEY'S ASKING FOR ANOTHER! Abbott obliges, and cracks Bailey again.. and again... AND AGAIN!! STILL THE BIG MAN WON'T GO DOWN! Laughing hysterically, Bailey grabs the frying pain out of Abbots hand.... AND BREAKS IT OVER KYLE'S HEAD! Abbott crumples to the mat, as Bailey throws the handle into the crowd, before rolling out of the ring. He only got outside the ring, though, was to get himself a table, which he slides into the ring. Abbott's on his feet, wobbly as can be, as Bailey reclaims the bat, and gives Abbott another shot! And another! Then, with a headbutt, Bailey rolls Abbott onto the table, and moves to the corner. He climbs to the top rope, and takes a moment, not used to such a position.... FLY FAT ASS, FLY! FLY FAT ASS, FLY! FLY FAT ASS, FLY! FLY FAT ASS, FLY! FLY FAT ASS, FLY! FLY FAT ASS, FLY! FLY FAT ASS, FLY! FLY FAT ASS, FLY! FLY FAT ASS, FLY! FLY FAT ASS, FLY! FLY FAT ASS, FLY! FLY FAT ASS, FLY! FLY FAT ASS, FLY! FLY FAT ASS, FLY! FLY FAT ASS, FLY! With a deep breath, Bailey stands up, spreads his arm.... SUPER BELLY SPLASH... THROUGH THE TABLE!!! 300 pounds of man just crushes Abbott through the table! The crowd goes wild for the violence, quite happy with the destruction! Bailey doesn't even have to move as the ref makes the count! 1... 2...... 3!!!!! ANNOUNCER: ...Kyle Abbott has been defeated... ...Now coming to the ring... ELI REED!!! And finally, it's Eli Reed's turn to face the SCWE beast that is Scott Bailey. With blood dripping off his barbwire bat, Bailey just eggs Reed to get into the ring. Taking a deep breath, Reed dives into the ring, and immediately rolls to the left, dodging the bat shot from Bailey. Reed gets to his feet, and ducks another shot from Bailey... Reed kicks Bailey in the gut... DDT!!! DDT!!! DDT!!!! Reed hooks the leg!!! 1... KICK OUT WITH AUTHORITY! Reed drops an elbow onto Bailey, trying to keep the big man down. But Bailey keeps getting right up, even as Reed drops another elbow to his cranium. Reed goes to drop another one.... LOW BLOW BY BAILEY! The fans begin to let Bailey have it, but Scott pays no attention to it! He lifts Reed up for a body slam.. but no, turns it into a falling power slam!!! Reed lays on the mat, groggy as Bailey gets up and grabs the bat. He places it across Reed's forehead... and begin to just dig in those barbwire spikes in deeper and deeper, totally mangling the flesh on Reed's forehead! With his hands covered in Reed's blood, Bailey drops Reed and the bat to the mat, choosing to roll outside the ring... ...but again it's only to get himself another table! He slides it into the ring, before rolling in himself. He gives Reed a few more bat shots, making sure the youngster is nice and bloody before he decides to sit up the table. He places the bat on the table, before pulling Reed to his feet... and rolling him onto the table! AND THEN THE 300 POUND BEAST CLIMBS ON TOP OF THE TABEL! He pulls Reed to his feet, and uses the bat to lift Reed up..... SITOUT PILEDRIVER THROUGH THE TABLE... SECOND BLACK HOLE FOR THE EVENING!!!!! HE'S FUCK-ING DEAD! HE'S FUCK-ING DEAD! HE'S FUCK-ING DEAD! HE'S FUCK-ING DEAD! HE'S FUCK-ING DEAD! HE'S FUCK-ING DEAD! HE'S FUCK-ING DEAD! HE'S FUCK-ING DEAD! HE'S FUCK-ING DEAD! HE'S FUCK-ING DEAD! HE'S FUCK-ING DEAD! HE'S FUCK-ING DEAD! HE'S FUCK-ING DEAD! HE'S FUCK-ING DEAD! HE'S FUCK-ING DEAD! Bailey just puts a boot on Reed's chest, arms raised in the air. 1... 2... 3!!! *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* | | | WINNER: Scott Bailey | | | | FINISH: Black hole thru a table | | | *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* "Fuck You" by Damageplan strikes up again, as Bailey slams the bat down onto Reed, as he exits the ring. He continues to jaw at the ringside fans, making sure everyone knows Skylark's days at SCWE Television champ are numbered! The fans fire back, hurling insult after insult, but the fanfare dies down as Bailey hits the back, and the DERP projectors fire up... *^*^*^*^*^*^*^* ON THE SCREENZ *^*^*^*^*^*^*^* [The camera fades in, showing Donovan O'Reily seated in a DERP warehouse stairwell, elbows on his knees. His head hanging downward, you can clearly see drool and spittle sray from his mouth as he drunkenly tells his tale.] OREILY: Not that I really wanted to penetrate that particular orifice with my taster, but I was drunk as a skunk and she requested it, so "what the hell" I says to myself and dive right in. [Pulling out a bit, we can see several empty forty ounce bottles of malt liquor littering the stair well.] OREILY: So anyway, I'm all up in there, rooting around, getting real acquainted with her poopshoot and in my supreme inebriation it takes me far too long to discover that my tongue has just accomplished what toilet paper failed to. [He spits and makes a wretching noise.] OREILY: Fucking gross, right? [He looks up, eyes bloodshot and glassy.] OREILY: Well that's kind of how I feel about the prospect of competing against you DERP maggots for the Steel City championship... gross and physically ill. [He spits again, this time directly at the camera lens, obscuring it's view with a big 'ol gob.] OREILY: Which is why I won't be competing tonight. You fruitcakes can keep your shiny gold trinkets... [Snort.] OREILY: Like they mean a goddamn thing outside of this pathetic little bubble Delaney's created for us. [Beat.] OREILY: But you won't be getting rid of me that easily. Because I did purchase this... [Through the haze you can barely make out Donovan digging into his back pocket. He holds something up toward the camera.] OREILY: A ticket for the big show. [He stands up and damn near loses his balance, grabbing the hand rail for support. Composing himself as best he can, he raises a finger to his mouth.] OREILY: Shhh! I think it's about to start. [And with that he stumbles out of view... as there some weird quick static, and then the shot comes back, but now backstage in the DERP locker room. El Pollo Loco stands staring down at his body, as if something's missing. And indeed it is... nowhere to be seen is his "pretty", the DERP Steel City Tag Team Championship. In its place is a plain white t-shirt with a picture of the Steel City Tag Team Title belt located at the bottom of the shirt, around the waist. Loco reaches down and touches the picture of the title, repeatedly, over and over... quite obviously this plan isn't working quite to his satisfaction.] EPL: But Moo, why can't I have my _real_ pretty? [From off-camera, the deep voice of "Da Cow God"...] DCGM: Moo. [... bellows an answer.] DCGM: As I told you, young chicken... tonight is not a safe environment for us to be carrying our championships on our persons. [Loco pouts.] EPL: But I want my pretty! DCGM: So do the other twenty or so men who will be here tonight. For this night, little one, you must suffice with the shirt we created to remind you of your championship. [Loco looks down.] EPL: But... it looks stupid. DCGM: I believe you designed it. EPL: I WANT MY PRETTY! [Loco hops in the air, stomping both feet into the ground with his hands clenched tightly.] Voice off-screen: Am I interrupting? [Moo and Loco look over, to see DERP's resident crackhead... er, interviewer, Foodstamp, standing with a microphone in hand.] DCGM: Hello Stampy. Perhaps you can assist the Chicken in understanding. If he had brought his Steel City Tag Team Title belt tonight, and we had left it in the locker room here while every man in Dee-Ee-Are-Pee was in the ring tonight at the same time... would it be safe? Foodstamp: Um... how much is it worth? EPL: Seventy thousand hundred dollars. Foodstamp: Not a chance. ["Da Cow G... Moo looks at the Chicken.] DCGM: See, little one? Even Stampy here would have considered taking your championship. And then I would have had to introduce him to my new toy. Foodstamp: You have a new toy? [Moo nods.] DCGM: Yes, and should you have taken his title belt from him tonight, you would have been punished severely with my new toy. And I _like_ you, Stampy. EPL: It's not fair that you get to bring a toy tonight, and I can't have my pretty. [Loco turns and stares at a wall, pouting.] DCGM: But young chicken, my toy will be coming to the ring with us tonight. [He reaches into his black gym bag (which, of course, the lunatic has painted with crude white spots) and pulls out... a branding iron. He holds it up to the camera, so that all 12 people watching this can see the letters "M-O-O" clearly spelled out at the end of it. Foodstamp looks at the branding iron, then at Moo.] Foodstamp: That's one hell of a fetish you got there, Moo. [Moo ignores the one question everyone in DERP has been dying for an answer to, instead turning back to Loco.] DCGM: Besides, young chicken... there is another reason we do not have our championships here tonight. Tonight, you or I could realistically win _another_ championship. [Loco turns to Moo and absorbs this revelation. Then Loco's jaw... drops.] EPL: A... _nother_ pretty? [Moo nods.] DCGM: In this match tonight, there will be not one, but _two_ championships available. Notably, the Steel City Heavyweight Championship, the second greatest prize in Dee-Ee-Are-Pee next to our championships, will be available to the man who remains in the ring at the end of the evening. EPL: Woooowww. And what's the other pretty? DCGM: I believe they call it the Twenty-Four Seven Championship. A title that can be won anywhere in this building at any time. EPL: Whoa. That sounds awesome! I want that pretty too! [Moo nods.] DCGM: Indeed. And the first man to throw someone over the top rope will be deemed the first ever Twenty-Four Seven Champion. So, young chicken... tonight the task is simple. Do not pin the evil. Do not fly onto the evil. Tonight the evil must be literally thrown from the ring, over the top rope and to the outside. That is what we must do tonight, young Chicken. EPL: And we could win _more_ pretty? DCGM: Yes we could, little one. [Loco starts sprinting around the lockerroom area, yelling indecipherably.] Foodstamp: Is he always like this? [Moo smiles.] DCGM: No. Sometimes he gets really hyper. Would you watch him for me for a little bit? I want to observe the match this evening between the teams from the other promotions. [Foodstamp stares at Moo.] DCGM: Ten bucks. Foodstamp: Deal. [Moo and his new toy leave the scene, as Loco's new babysitter watches the Chicken continue his mad sprint around the benches in the locker room.] *^*^*^*^*^*^*^**^*^*^*^*^*^*^* SCREENS RETURN TO DERP LOGO *^*^*^*^*^*^*^**^*^*^*^*^*^*^* I know those of you reading this at home probably are sayign to yourself "WOW! That was a lot of talking!" and it was. But it also did somethign else very nice and awesome...... it allowed the particpants for the TAG TEAM SHOWCASE to make their way to the ring, as the fans had something important and interesting and somethign DERP related to pay attention too!. The Renegades came out first. JD and Devin not on the same page at all it seems, and Uncle Sid looking very much like an angry old man. Satan's Pride was next, as "the Wolf" Lark Fenriz made his way down to the ring complete with valet Heather Owens, and their new 'slave'.... HELLHOUND! *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* | | | PVW vs. SPW | | TAG TEAM SHOWCASE | | | | THE RENEGADES, PVW | | vs | | SATAN'S PRIDE, SPW | | | *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* Devin motions to JD that he's got this, and moves into the center of the ring, standing nose to nose with Lark Fenriz's new pet, Hellhound. Devin just shakes hid head, and swings... Hellhound just absorbs the shot and it swings a fist himself. Devin is knocked off his feet and falls back into the ropes. Hellhound with a knee lift, and then drops Devin down, slamming his head of the beast's knee! Hellhound then just places his boot right across the throat of Devin, choking the young man! Devin's legs keep kicking, as he feels the air being shut off. Owens applauds at ringside.. After a few seconds, Hellhound stops choking Devin, and pulls him up to his feet. He then drags him into the center of the ring by his hair. He kicks him in the gut, and lifts him up for a power bomb... DEVIN'S FIGHTING! Rights and lefts to Hellhound's dome... HURRICANRANNA!!! Devin saves himself and drives Hellhound's head into the mat! Devin wastes no time and tags in his brother!!! Not looking pleased, JD drops a quick knee to the Hellhound. Hellhound doesn't seem phased, as he continues to get to his feet. JD backs up, and gives the beast a boot straight to the face! Hellhound rolls to the ropes, certainly feeling the effects of that one. Fenriz screams at him to get JD and not putzing around! JD looks at Lark, and flicks him off... [FUCK LARK! FACE POP] JD moves over to Hellhound, but the beast hits him with a shoulder block, and another. He then picks JD up, and spins him around... SPINEBUSTER! The whole ring shook on impact, as Fenriz's pet makes the cover! 1... DEVIN WITH THE SAVE!!! But now Lark's in the ring! He charges at Devin... CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL! The impacts so hard Devin does a freaking flip! Lark then proceeds to pick Devin up... press him over his head..... AND LAUNCH HIM INTO THE FIRST ROW!!! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! An evil smile just spreads across Lark's face, as rolls out of the ring, and begins to dig under the ring. He first slides into the ring... Not one table, BUT TWO!!! He stands up and sees a fan in cowboy hat waving a crutch at him! Lark snatches that up too, as well as a chair, before returning to the ring, where Ryder has JD locked up in a full nelson, but has leaned back, lifting JD off the mat completely, adding even more pressure! Upon command, Hellhound drops JD, who lands on his feet, stumbles forward.... CRRRRRAAAAACKKKKK! Fenriz just smashes that crutch over JD's forehead, causing the Pittsburgh native to hit the mat. Fenriz just laughs, as he motions for the Hellhound to lean one table in the corner, and set up on the other table. As Hellhound carries out his duties, Lark pulls JD up from the mat, eyes on the chair laying on the mat... He lifts JD up... GUTWRENCH GOARDBUSTER ON THE CHAIR!!! Crowd groans on impact, as JD flops around, in total pain. Hellhound has the tables set up, as he stands in front of one, looking at Lark for instructions..... [MASSIVE FACE POP!!!] Devin Houlihan makes his way to the top rope, oblivious to the Hellhound... He leaps... FLYING BULLDOG... THROUGH THE TABLE!!!! Fenriz whips around on impact, and certainly doesn't not look happy seeing Hellhound in pieces of broken table, and the crowd going wild... REN-KNEE-GADES! REN-KNEE-GADES! REN-KNEE-GADES! REN-KNEE-GADES! REN-KNEE-GADES! REN-KNEE-GADES! REN-KNEE-GADES! REN-KNEE-GADES! REN-KNEE-GADES! REN-KNEE-GADES! REN-KNEE-GADES! REN-KNEE-GADES! REN-KNEE-GADES! REN-KNEE-GADES! REN-KNEE-GADES! Scowling, Lark moves over to Devin, but Devin uses a piece of the table to whack Lark right in the nuts! Lark hunches over, and Devin uses the table again, whacking 'the Wolf', dropping the big man down to one knee. Devin bounces off the ropes, putts the table under his arse... ARABAIAN FACEBUSTER! Fenriz is finally done, and he goes for the pin... ...but the ref won't count it!!! He says Devin isn't the legal man! He points to the Hellhound, and JD, who's pulled himself to his feet in the corner. Devin doesn't look pleased at all, about ready to punch out the ref, as JD stops him, and begins to talk sanity into his brother. He points to the table in the corner, and goes over to the Hellhound, as Devin pulls the table out from the corner, and sets it up kinda near the corner, before hopping to the top rope himself. Meanwhile, JD uses the chair Lark dropped him on to give Lark a stiff shot, JD doing all he can to make sure the Wolf's not going to ruin any Renegade plans. JD then kicks some table rubble out of the way, and pulls Hellhound to his feet. He looks at Devin, and gives him the thumbs up... The crowd buzzes, knowing these hometown heroes are looking to end this hellacious match! Devin has Hellhound in the gut wrench position.. He lifts him up, for gut wrench power bomb... He's about to bring Hellhound down, as Devin leaps........ [LE T" S FUCKING RIOT HEEL POP!] Fenriz, out of no where, tackles JD mid power bomb attempt, which not only causes Hellhound to land on top of the falling JD.... DEVIN ATE NOTHING BUT TABLE!!!! FUCK YOU FENRIZ! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP FUCK YOU FENRIZ! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP FUCK YOU FENRIZ! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP FUCK YOU FENRIZ! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP FUCK YOU FENRIZ! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP FUCK YOU FENRIZ! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP Lark takes a moment to bask in the boo's, obviously not phased at all and totally overjoyed with the violence he's able to cause. All three other men are barely moving, as Lark moves out of the ring... GRABBING ANOTHER TABLE! He slides it into the ring, and rolls himself into the ring. Before sitting it up, Fenriz grabs Devin, and pulls him over to the table, standing on it..... CHOKESLAM!!!! Devin flops around and rolls right out of the ring, as Lark again just laughs, as he sits up the table. He then goes over to where Hellhound and JD are beginning to stir. Lark just kicks Hellhound out of the way, and pulls JD to his feet... He walks near the table,, kicks JD in the gut, and puts JD's head between his legs. The smile on lark's face just says its over, and he lifts JD' high into the air, Jackknife position and just hold him there, letting the crowd get their anger out... FUCK YOU FENRIZ! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP FUCK YOU FENRIZ! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP FUCK YOU FENRIZ! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP FUCK YOU FENRIZ! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP FUCK YOU FENRIZ! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP FUCK YOU FENRIZ! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP [WE ARE SERIOUSLY GUNNA RIOT HEEL POP!] SAMHAIN BOMB! SAMHAIN BOMB THROUGH THE FUCKING TABLE! JD is dead! He's not just out cold, he's fucking dead! The fans are not pleased at all! That's their hometown heroes that are laying in ruins in the ring. Fenriz goes over to Hellhound, and throws the beast onto JD for the pin! 1... 2... DEVIN WITH THE SAVE!!!! TOP ROPE ELBOW ROPE!!! [RIDONKCULOUSLY HUGE FACE POP!] Fenriz is not pleased at all! He grabs the chair, waiting for Devin to get to his feet... He swings.. Devin ducks! Fenriz turns around... STANDING DROPKICK! Fenriz eats nothing but steel! Hellhound up, he gets behind Devin, locking on a full nelson... BUT NO FOR LONG! Devin with the low blow!!! Devin then bounces off the ropes... DOUBLE CLOTESHLINE! The crowd is roaring, as Devin helps a bloody and barely able to stand JD to his feet. Devin first pulls Fenriz to his feet, he motions for JD... SPLITTING HEADACHE!!! Double roundhouse kick to Fenriz's dome! The big man drops to the mat, as both Renegades roll him out of the ring. Devin then pulls Hellhound to his feet, he again calls to his brother... He gives Hellhound a few shots, keeping the masked behemoth wobbling in the center of the ring.... SPLITTING HEADACHE!!! JD falls on Hellhound for the cover!!! The fans count along, hoping the local high school football Gods have won this match! 1... 2... HEATHER OWENS PULLS THE REFERRE FROM THE RING! FUCKING BULLSHIT! FUCKING BULLSHIT! FUCKING BULLSHIT! FUCKING BULLSHIT! FUCKING BULLSHIT! FUCKING BULLSHIT! FUCKING BULLSHIT! FUCKING BULLSHIT! FUCKING BULLSHIT! FUCKING BULLSHIT! FUCKING BULLSHIT! FUCKING BULLSHIT! The crowd is enraged! The displeasure is at ear drum blowing noise levels! But not for long! They now are cheers as.. CASEY "THE RENEGADE" HOULIHAN hops out of the crowd, tackling Heather to the ground, as a _CAT FIGHT_ breaks out!!! The crowd loves it, as Casey is just busy slamming Heather's head against the concrete floor! Then she switches it up, raining down lefts and rights! Back in the ring, Devin checks on his bloody brother, and tries to get the ref moving so this match can possibly get to the end. As the girls continue to scratch and claw at ringside, security finally moves in to separate the two lady wrestlers. Security also helps the ref to his feet, and gets him back in the ring. Devin cannot be anymore joy ed, as JD again flops on the fallen Hellhound.... 1... 2.... SHOULDER UP! Devin is irate. He knows this match should have been over. JD rolls off and crawls to the corner, trying to get himself together. Devin decides to pull Hellhound to his feet. He grabs him by the head, and pulls him towards the corner. He runs up... going for his patented BRAIN SCRAMBLER... BUT HELLHOUND JUST PUSHES DEVIN OFF OF HIM! The Renegade goes flying through the air, crashing into the guardrail, as Hellhound falls back to the mat, unable to capitalize... DERP! DERP! DERPPITY, DERP DERP! DERP! DERP! DERPPITY, DERP DERP! DERP! DERP! DERPPITY, DERP DERP! DERP! DERP! DERPPITY, DERP DERP! DERP! DERP! DERPPITY, DERP DERP! The crowd continues to chant, trying to get the wrestlers up and moving again! Fenriz stirs on the outside, finally making his way to the apron and back into the ring... with a chair in hand. Hellhound and JD are resting in opposite corners, with Hellhound rising soon as Fenriz enters... only to be sent to the outside to fetch another table. Lark walks over to JD in the corner, and gives him a knee shots for good measure. He then pulls JD out of the corner, and whips him across the ring, so hard JD hits it back first, and falls face first to the mat. By now, Hellhound has reentered the ring with a table, and sets it up. Fenriz climbs to the top turnbuckle, and motions Hellhound to get JD to his feet. Hellhound does this and more, helping hand JD over to Lark, who's obviously plotting a Samhian Bomb from the TOP ROPE through the TABLE! JD isn't cooperating, trying to wiggle free. Lark is having nothing of it, maintaining his grip.... [UNMEASURABLE OFF THE FUCKING CHARTS FACE POP!] LEON CORELLA!!! Leon Corella hits the ring, and gets to the corner, pummeling Lark! He helps JD hook Lark up... SUPERPLEX THROUGH THE TABLE!!! Hellhound doesn't know what to do as Corella leaps off the top rope.... FLYING SPEAR! Hellhound's down, as now the Street Samurari hits the ring... sliding in tables!!!! Spade sets them up, only a few feet apart, as Corella whips Fenriz as Spade. Leon pulls Hellhound to his feet... Spade climbs up on the table, and pulls Fenriz up with him... Leon stands right next to his table, Hellhound ready to go.. and then... in stereo..... GAME OVER!!! THE DEADMAN'S HAND!!! Corella with his crucifix power bomb, and Spade with his scoop reverse DDT!!! Satan's Pride has just been laid the _FUCK_ out! ASSKICK NATION! ASSKICK NATION! ASSKICK NATION! ASSKICK NATION! ASSKICK NATION! ASSKICK NATION! ASSKICK NATION! ASSKICK NATION! ASSKICK NATION! ASSKICK NATION! ASSKICK NATION! ASSKICK NATION! ASSKICK NATION! ASSKICK NATION! ASSKICK NATION! The fans go wild as JD, bloodied and beaten, is pulled onto Hellhound, as the ref make the count... 1... 2...... 3!!!!!! *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* | | | WINNER: The Renegades, PVW | | | | FINISH: Assist from AKN, SCWE | | | *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* Devin joins JD in the ring to celebrate the win, but JD wants nothign to do with it, choosing to head to the back with Uncle Sid. Not detered, Devin celebrates with apparently his new found friends, the AssKick Nation. The trio make their way out of the ring, and into the crowd, grabbing a few "FUCK SPW" signs and holding them for up for all to see as the DERP projectors fire up... *^*^*^*^*^*^*^* ON THE SCREENZ *^*^*^*^*^*^*^* [ Fade in... ] [ A shot of the dimly-lit boiler room with the sound of the humming generator. Bullzeye is seen sitting up against the humming generator. As Bullzeye looks up at the camera you can see the hatred in his eye. Bullzeye is already dressed in his ring attire ready for a battle royal tonight to crown the the DERP Steel City Championship and 24/7 Championship. Bullzeye speaks ... ] BULLZEYE: We all need a haven ... A sanctuary ... A place to hide ... A place to escape ... A place to dream and hope ... A place where the darkness won't be so frightening. ... This is that place for me ... [ Slight pause from Bullzeye ... ] BULLZEYE: This is my safe house ... I come down here to think ... to clear my head ... to become the monster I was meant to become ... For some the darkness is a relentless enemy that can not be eluded ... You see once the darkness senses your fear .. your pain ... and know your deepest and darkest secrets ... That is when it shows its face ... That is when the darkness is truly is at its peak ... And that my friend is when I truly SHINE!!! [ Bullzeye stands up as he continues to speak ... ] BULLZEYE: While the darkness for many may be an enemy ... for me it is a friend. The darkness is what keeps me SANE! That is why I didn't mind it when Ryan Delaney told me to clear my head. Delaney thought I took it to another level when I lunged at Heather and tried to knock out that fan that touched me. So I went to my home away from home to do just that ... [ Bullzeye disappears from the camera view for a few seconds but then reappears with an item in his hand. It is too dark in the room to tell what he has in his hand as he continues to speak ... ] BULLZEYE: Alone in a room all by myself was a MAJOR mistake ... because I think it has driven me certifiably out of my mind ... Being CRAZY was the only thing that kept me from going INSANE. [ Evil laugh by Bullzeye as the camera zooms in on his eyes ... ] BULLZEYE: Unfortunately for my opponents tonight somebody has to pay for tonight's transgressions. Ric Beauty ... Joshua Black ... Frank Wilkes ... Donovan O'Reily ... Ikuto Nagashima ... Tyrone Heat ... Denny Latimer ... Josh Manning ... Marime the Mischievious ... Kian Konga ... Twinkletoes Twillinger ... Bateman ... Nerd Power Collective ... Perfectly Perfect Duo ... Chicken and Cow ... Weapons of Ass Destruction ... Welcome to the AGE OF ANNIHILATION and I am your HOST!!! [ Bullzeye closes his eyes almost as if he is trying to control his rage building inside of him ... ] BULLZEYE: I am in a game of fools without any rules ... [ Bullzeye slowly opens his eyes while continuing ... ] BULLZEYE: Hardcore to the bone ... [ Bullzeye can no longer control the rage ... ] BULLZEYE: NOW LET ME OUT OF HERE CAUSE I WANT TO HURT SOMEBODY!!! [ Bullzeye disappears from the camera view. You hear something drop on the floor as the camera pans down. You see a dart board with a red dart right in the center of the dart board as it fades... *^*^*^*^*^*^*^**^*^*^*^*^*^*^* SCREENS RETURN TO DERP LOGO *^*^*^*^*^*^*^**^*^*^*^*^*^*^* And with that, first the DERP referees back their way from the back to the ring. Included are head referees XYZ and Paul "Tackz" Barker, along with their trainees. Followed next is Ryan FUCKING Delaney, who instantly causes the volume level to rise! Next are the wrestlers, who each come out to the ring, one by one, no music whatsoever. First, to make this easier on everyone, let's make an 'official' list of every wrestler surrounding the ringside area. In alphabetical order, we have Bateman, Bullzeye, Denny Latimer. El Pollo Loco, Frank Wilkes, Ikuto Nagashima, Josh Manning, Joshua Black, Kian Konga (still caged for the moment), Leslie Jackson, Marime the Mischievous, Moo, Player 1, Player 2, Ric Beauty, Taelor Cole, Tyrone Heat, Twinkletoes Twilliger... ...and the newest DERP signee... the last one to make it to the ringside area. The only one to get his music played because Delaney just wants it be that oh so fucking special! Oh yea, welcome to DERP... welcome to the ring... WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME... .........TRACY MOTHERFUCKING HUDSON!!! The crowd isn't as enthuiastic as I am, not exactly giving Hudson the warmest reception ever! In fact, a few even start chanting "WE WANT CRAVEN!" as Hudson joins his fellow competitors in the ring. All of them are busy eyeing up each other, talking strategy perhaps if allies are near by. They are also eyeing up... the weapons in the ring, donated to DERP by the DERP faithful! In the ring are as follows: trash cans, trash can lids, a hockey stick, a barbwire dartboard, brass knuckles, computer keyboards, singapore cane(s), a fire extinguisher, plastic bats covered in thumbtacks, a barbed wire wrapped chair, pizza cutter, various traffic signs (stop, yield, speed limit 55, etc), brooksticks, a cheese gater, and in the center of the ring..... sits a DERP cooler, its contents..... a _MYSTERY_! The wrestlers continue to stir, as the crowd begins to chant "DERP!" Delaney at ringside finishes his conference with the numerous referees he has at ringside. The ref's are scattered throughout the rest of the cohort at ringside, including the Twinkettes and Elbitz on Twinkletoes' behalf, a horde of midgets working for Wilkes it seems (he calls them 'the shorties'), Black's woman Heather, the rest of the Perfectly Perfect Alliance (PPD and Omar), and don't forget O'Reily drunk sitting at ringside! He says he's not particpating, but I'm smell a rat! *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* | | | MAIN EVENT FOR BOTH | | DERP SINGLES CHAMPIONSHIPS | | | | FANS BRING THE WEAPONS | | BATTLE ROYAL | | | *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!! And that's the sound of the air gun! This fans bring the weapons battle royal for the DERP Steel City and 24/7 championships respectively has _OFFICIALLY_ begun! The wrestlers all scramble to get into the ring! There's a few punches thrown before they even get in the ring. In fact, soon as Konga was released, he attacked the close thing to him -- poor Taelor Cole! He was just picked up and launched into the ring post head first! He instantly crumples to the ground, as Konga's caretaker politely tells the "Nihilist War Mongrel" to get into the ring and hurt people in _THERE_! DERP EMTs immediately surround Cole, and carry him to the back for medical attention. Cole isn't the only one have trouble getting into the ring! While he initially charged the ring like everyone else, Player Two hesitantly climbed the apron.... and jumps back off! Delaney moves over, telling him to get in the damn ring! Player Two just seems to be a bundle of nerves as the carnage in the ring is surreal! Bullzeye got himself a brookstick and is just cracking Player One with it! Nagashima got a singapore cane, and taking it to Marime! Twinkletoes has a stop sign, and tries to cave in Beauty's skull, as "the Trashman" finds his love and smashes it over Manning's head! "Da Cow God" positions himself in the corner, just wielding the branding iron! Loco is behind him, peeping out, trying to pick his spot! Wilkes is just throwing rights and lefts right at Black, who looks totally rocked... WILKES IS HANDS ARE LOADED!!! He's got brass knuckles taped to his hands! Latimer and Bateman, one armed with a keyboard, the other with a fire extinguisher, begin to trade shots... except Bateman's keyboard breaks, and Latimer takes him to the mat with a fire extinguisher to the cranium! O'Reily boo's from ringside, fans around him not pleased! Tracy Hudson got himself that barbwire chair, and decks Leslie Jackson with it! Jackson flops onto the ropes, as Konga rips the chair from Hudson's hands, and gives Hudson a good whack with it right across the dome! While Player 2, with words of encouragement from Delaney, gets up the apron... but Loco sees his chance! He crawls out from between Moo's legs, and runs towards Player 2 and connects with a... SPINNING HEEL KICK! Player 2 crashes to the floor! The fans roar with delight for their little buddy! ANNOUNCER: .... PLAYER TWO IS THE _FIRST_ ELIMINATON! THAT MAKES... EL POLLO LOCO THE FIRST EVER DERRRRRRRRPPPPP TWENTY-FOUR SEVEN CHAMPION!!!!!! Loco is beside himself! He catches his pink shirt, the one with the big number ONE on the back, but doesn't put it on! He just stares at it.... and then runs up the nearby turnbuckles! He's showing it off to the crowd! Everyone is screaming "NO, LOCO! NO!" But it's too late! Leslie Jackson, the lone WAD rep with Cole TKO'd already, comes up from behind with his singapore cane.... CRRRRRACKKK!! Shot to the back, and Loco drops to the floor below! The crowd is not happy at all!!! ANNOUNCER: ....EL POLLO LOCO HAS BEEN ELIMINATED! YOUR NEW 24/7 CHAMPION is... "YOU'VE GOT MALE"... LESLIE JACKSON!!! And while everyone is not happy, "Da Cow God" is the least happy of them all! He barrels out of his corner, right at Jackson, and just goes to town with that branding iron! He cracks him in the gut, then across the head, and then just... puts it around throat and pushes him back into the corner, chocking the life out of him! Jackson hasn't haven had any time to put on his shirt, as Moo quickly drops the iron... AND SCOOP SLAMS JACKSON RIGHT OUT OF THE RING! ANNOUNCER: ...:LESLIE JACKSON HAS BEEN ELIMINATED! YOUR NEW 24/7 CHAMPION IS... "DA COW GOD" MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! EET MOR CHIKIN! EET MOR CHIKIN! EET MOR CHIKIN! EET MOR CHIKIN! EET MOR CHIKIN! EET MOR CHIKIN! EET MOR CHIKIN! EET MOR CHIKIN! EET MOR CHIKIN! EET MOR CHIKIN! EET MOR CHIKIN! EET MOR CHIKIN! The fans are happy about that! Moo quickly gets on his shirt and posts up in the corner, getting a hold of his branding iron again! He looks like he's got eyes all over his head, as he watches the chaos around him! Konga has found himself Twinkletoes and is working him over with that cheese grater in the corner! Heat and Latimer are busy trying to push Manning up and over the ropes, as Bateman grabs the stop sign, and gives each man a whack with it... and gives one to Manning for good measure! O'Reily loudly and obnoxiously laughs at ringside, enjoying seeing Latimer in pain! Latimer just shakes his head, doing what he can to just enjoy the drunk at ringside. Bullzeye has now got his barbwire dartboard, and cracks Player One right it right across the mug! Player One falls against the ropes, and Bullzeye hits him with a drop kick, sending the last part of NPC over the top rope!!! ANNOUNCER: ...PLAYER ONE AHS BEEN ELIMINATED!!! Hudson got himself a singapore cane and moves towards Beauty's who's gathering himself from Twinkletoes' stop sign shot. Marime seeing everyone else engaged in combat picks up a keyboard and moves behind Hudson. He taps Hudson on the right shoulder, and quickly darts let as Hudson turns around swinging, finding no one... as Marime breaks the keyboard over Hudson's head! Keys fly everywhere, as Beauty takes the lead, with a boot to Hudson's midsection, and DDT on a "DEAF CHILD LVIES HERE" sign! Meanwhile, Wilkes has got Black in the corner, and has proceeded to knock him to the ground! The "RegiSTARed One" is trying to push Black right under the bottom rope... but Nagashima has different plans, now armed with that barbwire chair! He cracks Wilkes with it... and again... and a third time! Wilkes just drops to the mat, instantly bleeding like stuck pig it seems... Black gets to his feet, and now Nagashima and him try to double team Wilkes right out of the ring! But Moo is having none of it! He exits his post, and swings widely at both Manning and Black! Manning drops first, as Black stumbles down the ropes to the corner... Moo backs up a few steps, and clothesline Black.... UP AND OVER THE TOP ROPE!!!! ANNOUNCER: ...AND JOSHUA BLACK HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!!! Moo again posts himself up in the corner, eyes wide open, watching everything. Wilkes has time to get to his feet, and since his wounds are bleeding anyhow, he takes off the bandage.... which has glass taped to it! He begins scrapping it across the forehead of Manning! Konga just starts headbutting Twinkletoes until he's made it out of the corner, and grabs himself... a plastic bat with tacks in it! He keeps swinging and swinging until the bat is no longer usable! By now Twinkletoes in against the ropes, Konga charges in... SHOULDER LIFT BY TWILLGER!!! OUT GOES KONGA!!! ANNNOUCNER: ...AND "THE NIHILIST WAR MONGREL" KIAN KONGA HAS BEEN ELIMIANTED! Marime has got the cooler in the middle of the ring.. He opens it... Inside is a... BAG OF ICE!?!?! Marime doesn't seem to mind, swinging it as a weapon, connecting with Bateman's skull! Bullzeye got the barbwire dartboard and proceeds to bash Twinkletoes with it, stunning the big man! Ric Beauty and Tracy Hudson are exchanging blows... OF STREET SIGNS! Ric Beauty swinging a yield sign, with Tracy choosing to use a speed limit one! Tyrone Heat has the hockey stick, and busy trying to shoot a goal, using Nagashima's flesh as the puck! Latimer goes for the assist, placing a can over Nagashima's head, so Heat can really amp up the damage! O'Reily doesn't look pleased, as Latimer gives him one helluva dirty look, as Heat swings, and drops the Nagatrashcan to the mat! Knowing he can't get Twilliger out himself, Bullzeye looks around trying get someone to help him! Everyone seems tied up! Marime laughing uncontrollably, using that bag to beat Bateman senseless... until it breaks, spilling ice everywhere! Beauty has Hudson against the ropes, but can't get him out either! Latimer and Heat are free, and they move towards Bullzeye, and nod... They're all trying to get Twilliger over the ropes! Heat is one leg, with Bullzeye on the other, and Latimer throwing lefts, trying to daze Twilliger. Meanwhile, Marime has got Bateman up, and goes to throw him over... HE DOES!!! BUT FLETCHER WITH THE ASSIST!!! He keeps Bateman's legs from hitting the floor, and allows Bateman to pull himself back in! Marime doesn't see it, Bateman reaches into the ring, and hooks Marime from behind... A REVERSE SUPLEX!!! Bateman hits the apron, as Marime hits the floor!!! ANNOUNCER: ...AND MARIME THE MISCHEVIOUS HAS BEEN ELIMINATED! The fans are not pleased at all! They love their Marime, and begin to taunt Bateman endlessly. On the other side of the ring, they still can't quite get Twilliger over the ropes, no matter how hard they try! Hudson isn't going either, his stiff rights and lefts backing Beauty up... only to have Frank Wilkes come at Hudson swinging with those loaded fists! Beauty grabs one of the street signs (a bent yield sing), and help Wilkes out, backing Hudson right into the ropes! Beauty gives him one more sign shot, as Wilkes keeps firing those fists! Hudson's just rocked, as the two fan favorites back up... DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE! HUDSON IS UP AND OVER!!! ANNOUNCER: ...TRADY HUDSON HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!!! Latimer, Heat and Bullzeye haven't given up on Twinkletoes! Not at all, even as O'reily tries to get the crowd to chant 'YOU CAN'T DO IT!" The fans just ingore the loudmouth, wishing Delaney would just remove him from ringside already. They've now just given up on getting him up and over the TOP ROPE! Now they're just trying to shove him through now! On the other side, Manning has made his way over to "Da Cow God's" corner, trying to get his hands on Moo's 24/7 title! Moo will have none of it, swinging away with that branding iron, cold clocking the shit out of Manning... only to have Manning go downstairs! Manning then grabs the iron out of Moo's hand, and using it against him! he backs the big man back up into the corner! Nagashima has crawled out of his trash can, and is now helping Manning get Moo over the top rope! Moo's so close, so close! But like Twilliger, it's so hard to get him up and over.... BUT PPD HELPS FROM RINGSIDE!!! They grab Moo's arms. and start to pull....... The big man goes up and over!!! ANNOUCNER: ..."DA COW GOD" MOO HAS BEEN ELIMIANTED.... AND YOUR NEW 24/7 CHAMPION IS..... JOSH MANNING! As PPD beat down their enemies, security moves in and quickly escorts them to the back, but the damage has been done. Delaney gives Moo a few words of encouragement probably, but then focuses back on the action.. where "the Tokyo Bad Boy" is not pleased at all Manning's the 24/7 champ! He lets loose with a flurry of punches, and in the process, grabs Moo's branding iron, and starts beating the living crap out of Manning! With Manning stunned, Bullzeye hops onto his shoulders... HURRICANRANNA! It sends Manning over the top rope to the floor!!! ANNOUNCER: ...JOSH MANNING HAS BEEN ELIMIANTED!... YOUR NEW 24/7 CHAMPION IS... IKUTO NAGASHIMA, THE TOYKO BAAAAAAD BOOOOOOOY!!!! Twinkletoes is STILL halfway through the ropes, having hooked his one around the rope and his leg around the other Bullzeye, Heat and Latimer keep trying, but aren't getting anywhere... Bullzeye backs up a few steps, and grabs his dartboard again! He whacks Heat upside the head by it... and again! And one more time for good measure! Heat stumbles back against the ropes, Bullzeye charges in... FLYING DARTBOARD SHOT! The momentum takes Tyrone Heat right up and over! The fans are not pleased at all, losing another one of their favorites! O'Reily instantly calls out to Latimer, "WHAT YOU GUNNA DO NOW YA JAGOFF!?!" Finally Delaney's had enough, and walks over to have a talk with O'Reily. ANNOUCNER: ..."THE TRASHMAN" TYRONE HEAT HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!!! On the other side of the ring, Bateman is the ping pong ball in Beauty and Wilkes game of ping pong CHAIRS! Chair shot after chair shot just has Bateman rocked. Wilkes goes to swing one more time, but Bateman dives through Beauty's legs... and Wilkes connects with Beauty! Bateman stands up behind, gives Beauty first a European uppercut, and then as Wilkes swings again.., he drop kicks the chair back into Wilkes' face! Wilkes stumbles back into the corner, as Bateman leaps at Beauty who's leaning on the ropes... JUMPING ROUDNHOUSE KICK! Now Beauty goes to the apron! Bateman backs up.. BASEBALL SLIDE!!! And Beauty hits the floor hard!!! ANNOUNCER: ...RIC BEAUTY HAS BEEN ELIMINATED! Latimer see this and is not pleased at all! He grabs one of the tack covered plastic bat and goes after Bullzeye! Bullzeye blocks the shot with his dartboard, and rams the board into Latimer's face! And he kept pushing, forcing Latimer back into the corner! This is the corner right near O'Reily... who new decides to start throwing trash at Denny! The fans roar with disapproval, as Delaney whistles that's enough, and securiy instantly surrounds O'Reily, taking to the brawler to the back! The crowd gives the security team a standing ovation for removing O'Reily from ringside. Destracted a bit, now Twilliger now is working with Bullzeye to get Latimer out... Latimer can't barely hold on, BUT HE GRABS ON WITH HIS BAD HAND! Somehow he rolls back in the ring, under the bottom rope! Wilkes comes up behind Twilliger with what Marime didn't see in the cooler... A STRAND OF BARBWIRE!!! Wilkes wraps it around Twilliger throat and pulls back, chocking him! And Twilliger just grabs the strand, and Wilkes wrists... BUT WILKES LOCKS ON HIS HANDCUFFS!!! Twinkletoes tries to throw him over, but he can't! The man's attached to him.., literally! Twinkle toes looks PISSED as he just begins pelting Wilkes with forearm shot after forearm shot! FUCKING FAT FUCK! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP FUCKING FAT FUCK! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP FUCKING FAT FUCK! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP FUCKING FAT FUCK! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP FUCKING FAT FUCK! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP,CLAP,CLAP Bullzeye stares at Bateman and Nagashima, with a singapore cane in hand. Nagashima wipes some blood, sweat, WHATEVER you wanna call it mixture off his face, and grabs himself that barbwire chair. Bullzeye and Nagashima nod at each other, and go right after Bateman! Bateman ducks the first wave! He slides through the legs of Nagashima on the second wave! Bullzeye's too quick... CRRRRAAAACK! Bateman eats the singapore cane, as... THHHUDDDD! Nagashima slams barbwire chair across the chest of Bateman! CRRRRRAAAACCCKKKK! Bullzeye cracks him again with the cane! "the Tokyo Bad Boy" charges, chair held horizontal, looking clock Bateman right in the throat!!!! BUT BATEMAN LOWERS THE SHOULDER!!! Nagashima lands on the outside, still holding onto the barbwire chair!!! ANNOUNCER: ...IKUTO NAGAHIMSA.. THE TOYKO BAD BOY... HAS BEEN ELIMINATED! THUS, YOUR NEW DERP 24/7 CHAMPION IS... BATEMAN! Bateman goes to catch his shirt, but Bullzeye doesn't even give him a chance! CRRRRRACK! Another cane shot! Then a heel kick! CRRRRRRAAAAACKKK! Another cane shot! Bateman stumbles into the corner! Bullzeye charges... HIGH KNEE! He backs up as Bateman stumbles out, as Bullzeye hooks... NO!!! LATIMER FROM BEHIND WITH A CAST SHOT! Bullzeye stumbles off, as Latimer kicks Bateman in the gut, and lifts him up for a suplex... NO!!! HE TOSSES BATEMAN OVER THE TOP ROPE!!! ANNOUNCER: ...BAAAAAAAAATEEEEEEMAAAANNN HAS BEEN ELIMINATED! YOUR NEW DEPR 24/7 CHAMPION IS... DENNY "ALLLLLL AAACCTTTTIOOOONNNN" LATIMER!!!!! As Denny puts on his new attire, Twinkletoes is wailing on Frank Wilkes, and is throwing the bleeding rag doll around the ring, trying to break the cuffs. He's having no luck doing so, as Denny searches the ring for something fun, and finds the hockey stick not being used! He grabs it and swings right at Bullzeye, who uses his dartboard as a shield! Latimer goes to swing again, but Bullzeye again blocks it! But then Latimer swings downstairs, and that catches Bullzeye! Adding insult to injury, Latimer breaks the hockey stick right over Bullzeye's back! Latimer now goes to throw Bullzeye over the ropes... but Bullzeye pulls out HIS handcuffs.... and hooks himself to the rope!!! Latimer gets him up and over, but with a nasty fight, Bullzeye is keep his feet off the ringside floor! Figuring he's just screwed himself, Latimer let's Bullzeye hang.... but the crafty bastard tucked the key in his drawers... HE UNHOOKS HIMSELF!!! Twinkletoes throws Wilkes into the corner, and screams to his Twinkettes to find himself. They rummage under the ring, and find exactly what Twinkie needs... A BOLT CUTTER! The Twinkettes hand them over, but as Twilliger goes to cut himself loose, Wilkes begins to headbutt away! He keeps doing show, backing Twilliger up! Wilkes stretches as far as he can, and grabs a near by sign... and makes a right angle out of it over Twilliger's head! Twinkie stumbles back into the ropes, as Wilkes comes charging, sign still in his hand... but Twinkie lowers that shoulder.. UP AND OVER FRANK GOES!!!! BUT HE'S STUCK TO TWINKIE!!! Wilkes is draggling dangerously over, much like Twinkie is.... BUT NOW THE TWINKETTE GETS ON THE APRON! Frank Wilkes is trying to swing himself back into the ring, as Elbitz hops up too... he gets the bolt cutters from the Twinkettes.... Wilkes is trying so hard, but Twinkie's now trying to get his feet to touch.... AND TWINKIE"S FREE!!!!! Elbitz cuts the cuffs, and Wilkes crashing to the floor, in a bloody heap! The crowds displeasure is deafening! STUPID FAT FUCK! STUPID FAT FUCK! STUPID FAT FUCK! STUPID FAT FUCK! STUPID FAT FUCK! STUPID FAT FUCK! STUPID FAT FUCK! STUPID FAT FUCK! STUPID FAT FUCK! STUPID FAT FUCK! STUPID FAT FUCK! STUPID FAT FUCK! STUPID FAT FUCK! STUPID FAT FUCK! STUPID FAT FUCK! ANNOUNCER: ... AND FRANK WILKES, THE REGISTARRED ONE, HAS BEEN ELIMINATED! We are down to our final _THRRRRREEEEEEEEE_ participants! Twinkie leans on the ropes, exhausted and beaten up, trying to find that sixth wind, as Latimer has gotten the upper hand on Bullzeye... UNTIL THE DERP UPSTARTS JUST GRABS LATIMER'S BAD ARM!!! The English man HOWLS in pain, as Bullzeye! The fans aren't happy, and one man in a white and black Hines Ward jersey goes as far to toss a beer bottle at Bullzeye... BUT HE CATCHES IT! And smiles devilishly..... CRRRRRAAAASSSHHH! Bullzeye breaks the bottle right over Latimer's head, causing the bloke's forehead to split right open. Resting on the ropes, Twinkie notices something else in the cooler... He waddles over to it, ignore Bullzeye's attempt get Latimer up and over, as he reaches into the cooler... AND PULLS OUT A..... MOLDY SANDWICH! Twinkie's eyes light up instantly as he just begins to chow down, much to the disgust of everyone! The sandwich doesn't last long, and Twinkie... he just looks like he's gained superpowers or something! Still wrapped in the barbwire, Twinkie runs as fast as his legs can take him, shouting "TWINKLING BACK HANDSPRING ELBOW".. and hits a SPLASH ON BULLZEYE AND LATIMER!!!! Latimer goes over the ropes..... BUT LANDS ON THE APRON!!!! He quickly rolls inside the ring, as Twinkletoes pulls away from Bullzeye, the barbwire now entangling them both! Latimer gets to his feet behind Twinkletoes, and Bullzeye, as they begin to trade punches, as Twinkie tries to force Bullzeye over the ropes. Latimer looks around on the ground, and doesn't see much. He instantly shoots a look at the crowd and ringside crew, waving for something, _ANYTHING_... AND HE GETS TOSSED A GOLF CLUB!!! Bullzeye and Twinkletoes don't seem to notice, as Latimer approaches from behind... Finally the Englishman screams "FORE!" and twaps Twinkletoes upside the head! The big man instantly slumps into the ropes, as Latimer winds up again, and... TWWWWAAAAPPP! Across Bullzeye's shoulder it goes, bending the club! Latimer doesn't seem to care and swings again! TWWWWAAAPPPPP! That one connects with Bullzeye's skull, sending the young DERP upstart stumbling off to the right, and into the corner. Latimer turns his attention to Twinkletoes, choosing to now use the bent club as a perfect choking device! Not feeling it's all that effective with a bum arm, Latimer decides to use his cast instead... whacking away at Twinkletoes, shot after shot! Latimer screams out in pain, as he backs up, and.. GIVES TWILLIGER A CLOTHESLINE!!!! Twinkletoes' feet rise a bit, but it doesn't look promising!!! Latimer goes to try again...... BBBBBBUUUUUUUURRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP! Twinkie hits the TWINKLING MIST!!! Latimer is stunned instantly, blinded by a spray of half digested food particles and various other fluids! The crowd is just horrified, and lets Twinkletoes know! Latimer just stands then, out on his feet, trying hard to keep the day's lunch down... AS BULLZEYE COMES UP FROM BEHIND!!! He's got his dart board again... AND BREAKS IT IN TWO OVER LATIMER'S HEAD! Denny stumbles forward and Bullzeye uses "All Action's" momentum.. grabs him by the seat of his pants... AND FLINGS HIM OVER THE ROPE! Denny grabs on with the bad hand, his only chance at salvation... BUT HE CAN"T HOLD ON!!!!! FUCKING BULLSHIT! FUCKING BULLSHIT! FUCKING BULLSHIT! FUCKING BULLSHIT! FUCKING BULLSHIT! FUCKING BULLSHIT! FUCKING BULLSHIT! FUCKING BULLSHIT! FUCKING BULLSHIT! FUCKING BULLSHIT! FUCKING BULLSHIT! FUCKING BULLSHIT! FUCKING BULLSHIT! FUCKING BULLSHIT! FUCKING BULLSHIT! ANNOUNCER: ...AND "ALL ACTION" DENNY LATIMER HAS BEEN ELIMINATED! WE ARE NOW DOWN TO OUR _FINAL_ TWWWWWWOOOOOOO PARTICIPANTS, WITH YOUR CURRENT DERP 24/7 CHAMPION BEING...... BULLLLLLLLZZZZZZEEEEEEYYYYYYYYEEEEEE! Denny hits the ground outside and is nto very happy at all. He kicks the guardrail, as th fans give him a round of applause for his efforgs... BUT THEN A CRAZY FAN HOPS THE RAILING!!! He just jumps Latimer, swingign widly with rights and lefts, doing all he can to pummel Deny! BUT THAT"S NO FAN! That's DOnovan O'Reily!!!! Security encases the two men, endign the brawl. Both men are taken out of the DERP arena in opposite directions. Back in the ring. Bullzeye stands in one corner, as Twinkletoes rests in the other corner. Both men are bloody, battered and beaten. Twinkletoes has took the time to unhook the barbwire from around himself.... and wrapped it around the one traffic sign he's got, the "DEAF CHILD LIVES HERE" sign! Bullzeye eyes search for a weapon as Delaney whistles at ringside!?!?! All of the sudden two of the stage hands hop on the apron with shopping carts.... FULL OF WEAPONS!!! They sit a cart next to each man! The men eagerly look inside, discovering their treasures! In the carts it seems to be equal on both sides, with the contents being: 3 lighttubes each, toilet brush, a SNES game console, glass picture frame, plunger, car battery.... and a glass bong!!! The two men paw through the carts' contents before choosing the their weapons. Bullzeye decides to go with double lighttubes, carrying one in each hand, as Twinkie decides go with the plunger and toilet seat!!! Bullzeye swings a lighttube, but Twinkie blocks it with the seat! And he counters it, breaking the wooden handle of the plunger down across Bullzeye's neck! Bullzeye doesn't fault, instantly swinging his second lighttube... and the big little man couldn't block that one, catching the lighttube right across the dome! Twinkie just seems to shake it off, and now whips the toilet seat at Bullzeye.... and CRACKS THE PLUNGER OVER HIS HEAD! It snaps in two, as Bullzeye stumbles back! Twinkie follows with an eye gauge, and then with a body slam!!! Bullzeye cringes with the broken glass covering the mat! Twinkie grabs a big chunk of the lighttube and calls out "TWINKLING THUNDER"... as he proceeds to sit right on Bullzeye's chest, squeezing the air right out of him... AS HE DIGS THE SHARP EDGE INTO BULLZEYE'S FOREHEAD! Twinkie's just digging it in and in, carving Bullzeye up, as Twinkie continues to squeeze the life out of him! Luckily, after a few bounces, Twinkie gets to his feet and pulls Bullzeye to his. Twinkletoes smashes the rest of the shard of lighttube into Bullzeye's face, stumbling the little guy back into the ropes. Twilliger approaches, trying to stay on the offensive, but Bullzeye does all he can to fend the "King of the Cruiserweights" off. He kicks him in the shin, and leans back on the ropes and gives him a boot the face! Twinkie keeps on coming! It must have been that damn moldy sandwich! Bullzeye turns around, and hops to the second rope... SPRING BOARD BACK ELBOW!!! It connects perfectly, taking Twinkletoes off balance but not out of the ring! Bullzeye reaches into the near by chart, and grabs the glass bong! He winds it up like baseball bat..... CRRRAAAAAASSSSSHHHHHH! Shattered bong all over the ring! Twinkie mumbles something inaudible, and he flops to the mat! The entire ring shakes, as Bullzeye grabs the picture frame!!!! He places it on Twinkletoes' head, and crawls onto the apron.... SLINGSHOT LEGDROP!!!!!! The picture frame just shatters, Twinkletoes just covered in broken glass! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! HOLE-LEE SHIT! But now Bullzeye has to get the 500 pounder out of the ring all by himself!!! He tries to roll Twinkletoes over towards the ropes, and is having moderate success! He actually does get Twilliger pretty close to the ropes, before he grabs the three lighttubes out of Twilliger's cart, and lays them on him as Twilliger lays near the bottom rope! Bullzeye backs up.....CRRRRRRAAAASSSHHHHH! BASEBALL SLIDE!!! _INTO THE LIGHTTUBES_!!!! Twilliger again is covered in glass! And the momentum to of the baseball slide damn near took Twilliger out of the ring completely! Bullzeye pulls himself to his feet, and places a boot right on Twinkletoes' throat, doing all he can to choke the living hell out of Twilliger! Twilliger doesn't seem lifeless, as he leg scissors the bottom rope, while crossings his arms around the bottom rope as well! Bullzeye grunts with anger, as it's apparent Twinkie's not going anywhere!!! Bullzeye backs off, and goes to the cart, pulling himself another weapon out of the cart... THE SNES!!!! He approaches Twinkletoes, as the big little man gets to his knees. Bullzeye winds up, looking to smash the game system over Twinkletoes' head...... BUT TWILLIGER GRIPS BULLZEYE IN A TESTICULAR CLAW!!!! Bullzeye screams as all the males in the audience scream right along with him! THAT'S FUCKED UP! THAT'S FUCKED UP! THAT'S FUCKED UP! THAT'S FUCKED UP! THAT'S FUCKED UP! THAT'S FUCKED UP! THAT'S FUCKED UP! THAT'S FUCKED UP! THAT'S FUCKED UP! THAT'S FUCKED UP! THAT'S FUCKED UP! THAT'S FUCKED UP! THAT'S FUCKED UP! THAT'S FUCKED UP! THAT'S FUCKED UP! Twinkletoes gets himself to his feet, not letting go of Bullzeye. He grabs the SNES with his other hand... and BRINGS IT DOWN OVER BULLZEYE'S HEAD! It doesn't break, but that's sure gotta hurt! Twilliger swings it again.. and this time plastic flies as it actually breaks! Bullzeye stumbles around for a few steps, and then flops to the ground! Twinkletoes makes his way over, and pulls Bullzeye to his feet. He gives Bullzeye a headbutt, and pushes Bullzeye back into the corner. Twinkletoes then stets to work on getting him out of the ring! He lifts with a basic push, and as much as Bullzeye fights, he fights himself resting on the top rope rather quickly!!!! But now he's got his arm hooked underneath, and he's fighting on for dear life! Bullzeye's even getting his legs into it, trying everything he can! He gives Twinkletoes a few shots with his knees, giving himself some more time. And then with some effort, Bullzeye swings himself over, going for a head scissors! He squeezes, trying to cut off the air to Twilliger! Twilliger backs off the corner, but Bullzeye hangs on.... BUT TWINKLETOES RIPS HIM OFF ANYHOW!! And now Twilliger's got Bullzeye in a precarious position!!! He's got him posed for a powerbomb!!! Bullzeye just punches as much as he can, but Twinkletoes continues to move towards the ropes! Then Bullzeye goes for the... FISHHOOK!!!! FISHOOOK!! This seems to work, as it loosens Twinkletoes grip! Bullzeye, using his agility, bends backwards and with a kick to Twilliger's face... FLIPS OFF THE BIG MAN!!! He lands on his feet, and charges back, trying to capitalize... BUT TWINKLETOTES CATCHES HIM BY THE THROAT!!!! ........CHOKESLAM! CHOKE MOTHERFUCKER SLAM!!! ........AND IT WAS OVER THE TOP ROPE!!!! [NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! GOES THE DERP CROWD!] Bullzeye lands hard on the floor, smacking his head off the concrete like no other. Twinkletoes falls forward, leaning on the top rope totally exhausted. The DERP EMTs get to work on Bullzeye, as one of the DERP stage hands bring Bullzeye his newly won DERP 24/7 TITLE!!!!! In the ring, Delaney taps Twilliger on the shoulder, and the "King of the Cruiserweights' turns around... only to have Delaney hand him the DERP Steel City Title! Upon being handed the title, Twinkletoes begins to jump up and down, completely overjoyed!!! The entire ring starts shaking, as the stage crew immediately pounce on Twilliger, asking the big little man to please stomp jumping before he breaks the ring. *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* | | | WINNER: Twinkletoes Twilliger | | | | FINISH: Over the top rope chokeslam | | Twilliger = FIRST DERP Steel | | City Champion | | | *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ DERP ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* ______________________________________________________ THOUGHTS? REACTIONS? SPEAK YOUR MIND RIGHT HERE: http://z13.invisionfree.com/DERP_Forum/index.php?showforum=4 *^*^*^*^*^*^*^* ON THE SCREENZ *^*^*^*^*^*^*^* *^*^*^*^*^*^*^**^*^*^*^*^*^*^* SCREENS RETURN TO DERP LOGO *^*^*^*^*^*^*^**^*^*^*^*^*^*^*